


talk to me

by sofsomi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles, Winter semester, jisung is upset, literature major! jisung, psych major! renjun, quiet conversations, renjun makes him feel better, self-deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22268686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sofsomi/pseuds/sofsomi
Summary: his phone rings. he doesn't want to answer it.he has no desire to speak or put up a front.he knows for sure that he'll cry, no matter who the caller is.but the ringing gets louder and louder. so, he tries.the second he sees the caller ID, he changes his mind. he accepts the call."hey."says the voice from other end, soft and warm.or the one where a certain phone call saves jisung from spiraling down.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Park Jisung
Comments: 12
Kudos: 87





	talk to me

Jisung stares at his screen in disbelief while the number is staring right back at him— haunting him, looming over his head. His mouth’s ajar as he slowly closes his laptop, the light from the screen fades and everything is dark, save for the warm glow that came from Chenle’s side of the room.

He inhales slowly and then exhales all of it out. He can’t seem to wrap his head around with what he has seen, with what he has to accept.

Jisung’s eyes lands on his desk, as he finds his books, pastel highlighters, pens, post-its, mind maps and essay plans splayed out in an unruly manner, he ponders,

_"What did I do wrong?”_

He could feel his insides shake, his heart rattling within. He doesn’t understand.

He quickly opens his laptop again, refreshes the website as he trains his eyes to check. The number remains the same, and the red marks burn in his head.

His shoulders slump in disappointment.

Yes, that's the word he's looking for.

_Disappointment._

As he mulls over it, his phone rings. He doesn’t want to answer it. He has no desire to speak or to put up a front. He knows for sure that he'll cry, no matter who the caller is.

He just wants to crawl into his bed and wallow in his despair. _Too difficult._

But, the ringing gets louder and louder.

So, he tries.

The second he sees the caller ID, he changes his mind.

He accepts the call.

 _“Hey.”_ Says the voice from the other end, soft and warm. Familiar.

_Home._

_“How’ve you been? Finals are done.”_ The voice continues.

He wants to cry. Jisung really wants to cry. It has been a while since he last heard that voice, almost two weeks now. But whose fault was it? His.

His fault.

Just because of his dumb deal with himself.

“Hyung.” He chokes back a sob, biting his lips to stop them from quivering. “Hyung, can I come over? Please?”

He sounds as if he were begging. Begging to get out of his room, begging to get out of his head. Or, maybe he’s begging for the voices to stop haunting him. He wants to go back in time and redo everything. To try again.

It was quiet at first. Renjun must’ve noticed how he must be. He always does. He always notices. Little details about Jisung.

Right before Jisung can speak again, to explain, Renjun replies.

 _“Of course, Jisung.”_ His voice impossibly softer than before.

Jisung forces a smile, as if the boy were in front of him. “Okay.”

_“I’ll wait for you, all right?”_

“Okay, hyung.”

* * *

Jisung had this unspoken deal with himself and with everyone around him— to live as a hermit before finals roll in, and during the said hell week.

It was his way to focus, to be in his own head space.

He did try to meet with some people. Well, one.

He met with Renjun once. He tried.

But, it was only for lunch. _It was hardly lunch,_ Renjun thinks.

Jisung brought required books for him to read, papers filled with his indecipherable writing stained with colored highlights and arrows that only he could apprehend.

That time, Renjun can specifically remember how much the younger of the two scribbled away, annotating with whatever he deemed important at the moment.

So basically, they hadn't spoken to each other for almost two weeks.

Jisung said it was to avoid any distractions, for the both of them, for their benefit.

In which case, it worked.

Jisung has a habit of forgetting the world around him, completely entranced with the muffled words on the books, writing away as if someone were chasing him.

That is how serious Jisung is when it comes to his studies. He _loves_ literature. He loves it with every fiber of his being. He speaks so passionately about it, getting lost in his own little world.

So, the second he hears Jisung’s voice crack on the phone, he knows.

* * *

“Hi, hyung.”

Jisung arrives with red puffy eyes, trying to look away from Renjun’s gaze.

He must've cried on his way. Renjun feels his heart wrench in his chest.

He hates seeing Jisung in this state. In this state of self-deprecation.

Renjun watches Jisung closely. He has known him for so long enough that he noticed how his cheeks are slightly sunken in and how his once ample limbs now look a little sharp around the edges.

His heart drops.

_Worried._

But, he doesn’t show it. Renjun has to be here for him. He has to.

He only opens his arms and Jisung gives him a smile, a sad one. The lanky boy shuffles in the apartment as he falls into the boy and embraces Renjun tightly, nuzzling his face unto his neck. Renjun snakes his arms around his waist, patting his head comfortingly.

* * *

Inside Renjun’s room, they both lay on his bed, their limbs tangled messily as they hold each other close.

Jisung leans onto Renjun’s chest, his arm around the psychology major’s small waist as Renjun lovingly brushes his hair, listening to Jisung intently.

“I just don’t get it, hyung.” He whispers, playing with Renjun’s hoodie’s draw cords. “My nose was stuck on that book for the whole semester and yet, this happens? And—“ Jisung doesn’t continue, huffs and purses his lips out of frustration, trying not to let out a whimper.

Renjun sighs deeply. He understands this, understands this pain. How long a person can spend so much time on a paper, how much effort one places, the sacrifice they make for a grade. He knows it. He has done it before.

“It’s unfair.” He nods his head. “It really is. It sucks.”

“It really does, hyung.” He sniffs. “He gave me comments about my paper and when I checked it, I realized how I overlooked so many details and it’s just—“ He sighs loudly.

“I’m just so disappointed.”

Renjun knows Jisung. He knows how he can be hard on himself. He knows how his self-deprecating thoughts can consume his very being.

How Jisung refrains himself to have fun, or even let himself watch his favorite series in peace. How the boy would mull over something for days and nights or how he wouldn't leave his dorm room until he finds his writing satisfactory.

It hurts. It hurts to see him go through it again and again, whenever he gets a grade that he does not deem worthy or whenever he sees red marks on his paper.

Renjun wishes he could take it away. Take all of his worries away.

So, the boy brushes Jisung's hair back, “It’s unfair and it’s okay to feel disappointed in your work, Jisung.” He whispers. "Please, look at me.” He asks, so soft, so gentle.

Jisung sits up, the absence of the boy from his chest feels too much but the moment their eyes lock, Renjun smiles reassuringly, wipes the tears from the corner of the boy’s eyes.

“You’re still learning, Jisung. Everyday you learn and grow and it’s incredible with how much you’ve improved.” Renjun sighs, tucks a stray strand of hair behind Jisung’s ear.

“Look, you’re allowed to be disappointed in your work. And, you don’t have to produce great work all the time. It’s fine.” His head tilts, following Jisung's, who tries to hide his flushed face from Renjun. He chuckles at the younger boy's adorable attempt to conceal his tears.

"There will be times when you feel like you’re in a slump, or when you just feel down and you can’t tackle a task properly and that’s okay. It really is. It’s okay.”

* * *

“You know what? I’m so proud of you, so proud with how much you’ve grown.”

 _Warmth._ Renjun's words for him are warm like the winter sun.

With his words, Jisung finally wears a small smile, nuzzling his face onto Renjun's hands like a cat, breathing in his comforting scent.

 _It's_ _okay,_ Jisung repeats in his head. _It'll be okay._

Jisung sighs.

“Thanks, hyung.”

“Of course, Jisung.”

Jisung leans into him as he places a chaste kiss onto Renjun’s cheeks. Jisung laughs at Renjun, who in turn, blushes furiously.

* * *

For the rest of the night, they talk. They talk about how Renjun’s finals went – how he had a difficult time transcribing their focus group discussions for their thesis, how he felt so frustrated because their research teacher and thesis adviser do not see eye-to-eye and how he procrastinated reading and annotating person-centered therapy up until feminist therapy for their class (wherein they had to self-study, since their professor was too busy).

Then, they made a new deal for when the next finals week rolls in: To meet each other as frequently as possible, to talk, to listen, to give space when it is needed. To spend lunch or dinner, take a break and maybe watch a film, maybe Frozen as they would imitate Olaf since they both find him adorable. Or, they could binge watch Moomin Valley, since it’s Renjun’s favorite.

Once they interlaced their pinkies for their promise, they talk about the future— of how they’ll go home, maybe go skiing, meet each other’s family for the second time, eat lots of ice cream, go on silly dates like to an aquarium or to an observatory where they can see the stars and other planets up in space.

Which, ultimately led them to talk about multidimensional realities, of the universe, of different galaxies, of astrology, of aliens and how the Nazca Lines in Peru are obviously for aliens.

They talked about everything as they fell asleep, holding each other tightly, their legs sprawled and their fingers intertwined.

**Author's Note:**

> i just adore rensung dynamics, esp with how renjun mentioned in their allure interview, how jisung comes to him at night and how they talk and talk for hours and that's just so heart-warming, so that interview inspired me to write this!
> 
> reasons for their majors: jisung has said in previous interviews, how he's interested in writing and story-telling. (i also took inspiration from a youtuber named clahrah, who was also a lit major) and for renjun, he has always been vv vocal about counselling and we could see that reflect from renra, so i just think that it's brilliant to see him in that light. (i'm also a psych major so i think it's rly interesting? hehe) the title is from the song, "talk to me" by cavetown, you can give it a listen :')
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/haechios) | [carrd](http://dream-run.carrd.co)


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